My Friend Asked Me When I Knew It Was Time to Settle Down

My Answer Blew His Mind

Hey, everyone! I’m Ekene, and today I want to share a pivotal moment in my life that completely changed the way my friend viewed relationships. It all started with a simple question from a close friend—“When did you know it was time to settle down?” It might seem like an innocent question, but for me, it was a game-changer. And after reflecting on it, I realized that my answer could be exactly what you need to hear if you’re in a similar place. So, let me share my story with you.

A Question That Hit Me Like a Ton of Bricks

The conversation started out as a casual chat, but then my friend asked me that loaded question: “When did you know it was time to settle down?” To be honest, it completely caught me off guard. At that point, I had already recently gotten married, so I could understand where he was coming from—he was genuinely curious and seeking an answer that would resonate with him. He wanted to know how I knew it was time to stop the casual dating and start building something real with someone.

So, I paused for a moment and thought about it. When I shared my answer with him, it was like a lightbulb went off for both of us. I think it’s something that many of us feel deep down, even if we haven’t quite figured it out yet. My answer was simple: “Honestly, I knew it was time to settle down when going on dates with different women was no longer satisfying.”

The “Shopping for Shoes” Analogy

To explain what I meant, I gave him this analogy. Imagine you're shopping for a new pair of running shoes. At first, it’s exciting, right? You’re checking out all the different styles, brands, and colors. You’re trying them on, imagining how they’ll fit into your lifestyle, how they’ll look, how comfortable they’ll be. Each pair seems like a good fit at first, but after trying on a few dozen, you start to realize something: they all start to feel the same. The excitement fades. No matter how many different pairs you try on, it starts to feel repetitive. Nothing is really satisfying anymore.

Now, this might seem like a simple comparison, but it hit me hard when I realized—dating was like this. I had been “shopping” for the next best thing—looking for the next date, the next perfect match, the next pretty face. And don’t get me wrong, dating is important for figuring out what you like and don’t like, but after a while, it started feeling empty. I was stuck in this cycle where I was always chasing that next exciting date, but nothing ever really seemed to be the one.

The Moment of Clarity

That’s when I had a realization—I didn’t want to keep this cycle going. I didn’t want to keep chasing something that wasn’t fulfilling. What I wanted was someone I could share real moments with. Someone I could be vulnerable with. Someone who was more than just a pretty face—someone who could walk with me through the highs and lows, who could stand by me during the hard times, and who could celebrate the good ones. I realized that love wasn’t just about finding someone to impress or go on cute dates with. It was about building something deeper and more meaningful.

Why You Should Stop Chasing the “Next Best Thing”

At that point, everything clicked for me. I didn’t want to be stuck in this constant loop of dating around. I wanted the real deal—the kind of love that wasn’t just about superficial attraction or fun dates. It was about finding someone who could be my partner in life—someone I could trust with my heart and my future.

If you're reading this and you find yourself stuck in that same cycle, always looking for something better but never feeling fully satisfied, then I want to encourage you: It’s okay to stop looking for the next best thing. Real love is not about keeping your options open or finding someone who checks off all the boxes. It’s about trust, vulnerability, and finding a connection that goes deeper than surface-level attraction.

There’s no rush to settle down, but when you know you’ve found something real, it’s worth investing in.

Understanding Your Worth and What You Truly Want

Before I wrap up, I want to mention something that might help if this message resonates with you. If you’re struggling to figure out what you want in a relationship, or if you're constantly finding yourself chasing something that doesn’t fulfill you, I’ve written an ebook called "Loved Already: How to Stop Chasing and Start Believing." This book dives deep into understanding your worth, letting go of past hurts, and embracing the love God has for you. If this conversation sparked something in you, I really encourage you to check it out. You can find the link in the description below.

Final Thoughts

I hope this post has helped you think differently about love, relationships, and the timing of it all. Whether you're single, dating, or in a relationship, the key takeaway here is this: real love starts with knowing who you are and what you truly want. Once you get clear on that, things will start falling into place. So, take a moment to reflect on your own journey. Ask yourself if you're in a cycle of looking for the next best thing, or if you're ready to settle down and invest in something real.

Thanks for reading, and I’ll catch you in the next post!